Girls Hunting Girls

The difference between being able to go on forever and feeling sure you’ll never be able to go again is about ten minutes.

Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? A: Both are empty from the neck up.

What’s the easiest way to get to heaven quickly? Stand in the fast lane of a motor way.

MARITAL FIDELITY — Unadulterated boredom.

VIRGINITY — a bubble on the sea of fate. One prick and it’s gone forever.

Did you hear about the rumor that Disneyland plans to promote a bumper sticker reading,DO A MOUSE A FAVOR: EAT A PUSSY!

The floor manager of the Men’s Department at May Company notices that a large crowd has gathered around the tie section and that there seems to be quite a disturbance brewing. He rushes over and breaks through the crowd to discover a blind man swinging his seeing-eye dog around over his head by the dog’s tail. At a loss for what to do, he runs to the man’s side and says, “Sir! Sir! What’s wrong? Can I help you?” Whereupon the blind man replies, “No, thanks. I’m just looking around!”

There was this little kid in grade 2 whose name was Johnny. He went to school with grade 2’s. (!) Anyway, every Monday, after school the teacher would ask the student’s in Johnny’s class some trivia questions; if they answered the questions correctly, the teacher promised them that they wouldn’t have to go to school for the rest of the week. One Monday, the teacher asked the students: “What is the chemical symbol for Potassium” Since the kids were only in gr. 2, they didn’t even know what potassium was. The next Monday, the teacher asked: “In what year did Mt. St. Helen’s first explode?” Of course, the students didn’t answer. Johnny was getting kind of peeved with these kind of questions. The next Monday, Johnny brought a pair black squash balls to school with him. Just as the teacher was about to ask the weekly question, Johnny rolled the marbles toward the front of the room. The teacher, not seeing him, got agitated and said “Alright, whose the comedian with the 2 black balls?” Johnny, just a-laughing answered “Bill Cosby, See ya next week!”

This guy walks into a bar for the first time, and he’s sitting around drinking. Some of the old timers are telling jokes. One of them says “Seventeen” and the other old timers all roar with laughter. A little later, another of ‘em says “Thirty-Two” and again, they all laugh and holler. Well, the new guy can’t figure out what’s going on, so he asks one of the locals next to him “What’re these old-timers doin’?” The local says “Well, they’ve been hangin’around together so long they all know all the same jokes, so to save extra talkin’they’ve given ‘em all numbers.” The new fellow says “That’s mighty clever! I think I’ll try that.” So he stands up and says in a loud voice “Nineteen!” Silence; everybody just looks at him, but nobody laughs. Embarrassed, he sits down again, and asks the local fellow “What happened? Why didn’t anyone laugh?” The local says “Well, son, ya just didn’t tell it right…”

Did you hear about the pregnant blonde who went to the grocery store because she heard they had free delivery.